Society: Do you ever wonder what you are doing wrong?‏

QUESTION POSTED BY MARIAM ASHRAF

I’ll start by saying that I am a confident, single 30-something female.  I have a supportive family, great career, enough income to be comfortable and I am told that I’m attractive. I’m quite social and I feel very content with my life at this point.

BUT sometimes I truly think that something is wrong with me.  I can’t explain it.  It comes on suddenly… some mornings I’ll just wake up and start to think the most unreasonable thoughts.  Or are they?  Why don’t I get along with my in-laws?  That is normal, isn’t it?  Or am I just a difficult person?  I like to think that I’m logical, reasonable, fair and empathetic.  But I often lose touch with old friends.  I’ve had some friendships fall apart in a heartbreaking way.  I’ve had many painful breakups.  I have had fights with my family members, conflicts with co-workers, falling outs… etc.  Is something fundamentally wrong with me?                                                                                                                                                    I actually think that many people have a touch of bipolar mood swings.  If you let your mind run and if you are concerned with what others think, you may have mornings (well, for me it is usually in the morning) where you inexplicably feel down and unsatisfied with yourself.  Then other mornings you feel on top of the world, also for no good reason.  I now choose to get off the roller coaster of my up-and-down emotions when this happens and get dressed, get out of the house, interact with people and convince myself once again that I’m only human and this is a part of human nature.  It is not a daily event but I think the key is to recognize when your feelings and thoughts are getting out of hand, especially when they lead you to wonder too much about yourself and what you are constantly doing wrong in life.  I think the “happiest” (read: most truly calm, satisfied and content) people in the world are those who spend less time thinking about themselves and more time just focusing on the day-to-day, observing these mood swings and simply letting them pass through without too much regard.

Do you ever feel this way?  

Do you agree that it’s a part of humanity and we should choose to not get caught on the ride of our thoughts and feelings?  

Is it healthy to detach yourself from these self-destruct thoughts or should we instead contemplate them for self-examination and eventual growth?

Post your answer by comment…and remember to send your question.                                The Qbox is made of YOU!!..Thank you

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27 Responses to Society: Do you ever wonder what you are doing wrong?‏

  1. I think a sense of direction and purpose often helps in those moments. Although I am cautious to draw comparisons to myself, due to this seeming like a highly contingent matter. Although I can definitely relate to this post, especially about having all those material necessities which normally dictate happiness to be in check, yet still being in a mental scuffle.

  2. TheImaginator says:

    I think that it’s perfectly normal to have mood swings, whether you’re a man or a woman. At times I feel like a child, at times I feel old. At times I feel like I’m on top of the world and like I can do anything I choose, at other times I feel utterly inadequate and impotent. Once you become aware of why you feel what you feel, you have already taken the first step in addressing those things, whether they be anxieties or overconfidence. I say investigate why you feel what you feel in logical steps, and then when you have an answer that you’re satisfied with, discard that train of thought and move on.

  3. stevehi says:

    I believe that dealing with reality is one of the hardest things in life . I think self examination should be a short quiz , but it took a long time to figure that one out . Just wondering how you have trouble with in laws if you’re single . You don’t need to answer I just thought it seemed un-real . Good luck with your writing and life !

  4. 1. I’ve heard of and met a lot of people feeling this way. I did many years ago, that’s why I got interested in this. I don’t anymore.
    2. This gets into a very spiritual cause and affect which some people aren’t ready to hear. Do your best to dismiss them. This is a major field of study for me since I had the same thoughts once.
    3. The Earth is full of energies and not all of what we think is our own thoughts. Knowing what is and isn’t yours is important. You seem to know what you think isn’t always you. Many people don’t notice the difference so your one up on the majority.

    • madilzia says:

      “not all of what we think is our own thoughts.”?!?
      you might want to say more about this not very conventional thought?

      • Thanks for asking about the clarification.
        No one that know me, calls me conventional, I’m rather out of the box. LOL
        We all have the ability to be telepathic, some of us know it while others aren’t aware of it
        so we can be influenced by the thoughts of others. The purest telepathy isn’t in hearing the words but the feelings other are having. We’d accept those as our own unless we knew they weren’t.
        Secondly there are energies all around us very few of us are aware of. We’re also subject to picking up thoughts from those too. If this wasn’t enough we all have an Ego, it has it’s own concept of what we should do and interjects commentary on that which ranges from “I should be feeling sad” to “I should be mad.” Even recognizing the Ego is a task.
        These are the basis for my comment about what is your own thoughts or not.
        I’ve spent a few decades learning to see these in myself and others.

  5. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It’s life. It’s relationships, they are fragile and inconsistent. The only time you will sustain the feeling of being on top of the world is when you understand that it has nothing to do with you, but a lot of each and everyone’s experiences and their shortcomings.

  6. Julie says:

    I can most certainly relate to your state of mind. Societal parameters and pop psychology cause us to live in this ever self-critical, neurotic state of mind, especially for women in the West. Please, for your sake, trust in yourself, trust your heart and your instincts. It’s not bipolar or ups and downs; it’s life, it’s your life. You sound like a very loving and responsible person. It’s time to give yourself a break and to really, really trust yourself. Embrace your feelings. It’s not normal to be on kilter every day. You’re human. You’re being the best person you can be in the moment. I can relate so well… 🙂 jzk.

  7. Your a gem and let nobody tell you otherwise!

  8. Catherine says:

    Let them know you need them and let them do something for you. In the old days you did have to like your friends, only your best ones. We had many more friends, then.

  9. You said, “I think the ‘happiest’ (read: most truly calm, satisfied and content) people in the world are those who spend less time thinking about themselves and more time just focusing on the day-to-day.” To an extent I think you’re right, but I think those who seem the most happy (calm, satisfied, content) tend to be the ones who spend less time thinking about themselves and more time focusing on ways to love others.

    Really anything that helps us take our focus off ourselves usually lessens our anxiousness and insecurities, but actions of love and service tend to generate purpose outside of ourselves that keeps our attention on other more wholesome things.

  10. I spend a lot of time thinking of myself and ways to improve because I know I’m far from a perfect person. I also do plenty to make sure others who deserve to be happy are happy. I tend to ride through my emotions differently, because I have bipolar disorder. If I know the cause, I dwell on it. It makes me feel better by writing or reading around it or talking about it. If I don’t know the cause, I ease away from stress until the moment passes.

    As much as people say ‘that’s life’ or ‘that’s being human’ and just put their feelings under a rug until they pass, I don’t believe any feelings comes out of the woodwork. You had examples, you have problems, but that doesn’t mean you should shrug them off to make yourself happy. Those problems are still there, and you need to solve them, somehow some way.

  11. For me, it is not about being on top of the world or under the rug. For me it is staying in the middle. Balanced. And yes, off that roller-coaster. Ego wants to see us better than others or not good enough. Marketing does the same. We all have the choice to discard, what does not serve us. Being anxious about not being good enough, is one of those feelings.

  12. Demosthenes says:

    Although I agree that most people probably feel this way at some point, I would not say it is natural and certainly not desirable. The feelings of anger, sadness, or depression come to us whenever we cannot explain certain events. What we should be doing about it is to try to understand what caused us to feel this way and why before finding a reasonable solution to the problem. The other option is to visit a religious venue and listen to the beautiful yet fake stories they feed people there. There is nothing spiritual about feeling up or down or sad or angry – there is always a cause and a solution. We are told over and over again that its fine and normal to feel like this, which makes us stagnate in the situation.

  13. Self-Awareness is the key to establishing a vision and purpose in your life. When you know who your are then you can establish a need for fulfillment in which can be achieved by studying the Word of God. Relationship that does not sting, hurt,or cause pain can ease the feeling that you are not liked or loved. God can give that to you. Also visionaries often are not comfortable to be around. One of the reasons could be is that they are constantly desiring to put things in the proper order as they see it, they are very reserved, and task oriented. In most cases if you are doing something, you are not going to stop and chat with another person is present because you have a strong urgency to complete the task. There is nothing wrong with that, it is just those that are highly people oriented or chatty may not understand it. Chatty people tend to want to dissect individuals that are not chatty because they do not understand it when people talk. They are not bad people either. It is just that everyone has their own place, and individuality that can be utilized in the world to make us all successful and a wonderful world. If we could only be enlightened and understand each other as the Creator has designed it to be.

  14. I get up in the morning and wonder what is …; just what is? Rene Descartes of often quoted “Cogito, sumus erat” ( I think, therefore I am. ) which is, in my mind, the essence of everyone and everything. Everything else is a construct and is only relevant in context and perception!

    You are not good or bad, right or wrong, happy or sad, a success or a failure when viewed through a lens of whatever criteria you (and only you) accept as meaningful. The important thing is not what others think, or say, or do because they cannot live in your reality (which means you do not need to try to live in theirs).

    Quite often, people will ask, “Are you happy?” and are puzzled with my answer, “What is happy?
    I am alive, well fed, warm and dry, reasonably comfortable in my environment and in reasonably good health given my age and physical capabilities. I have had the same wife for almost 54 years and a family who accepts me for who I am.” That, my friend, is my brand of happiness.

    Which brings me back to Descartes. I am who and what I think I am (within the limits of physical reality): And this, Miriam, is the only thing that is important. Be who you are, and “don’t sweat the small stuff.”

    Don Werve, Jr.
    whatifblogger@surewest.net

  15. JC says:

    I know all about this kind of rumination and I think it’s adaptive, to a point, if you’re otherwise healthy.

    The danger arises when you let this become the rule rather than the exception. Whenever I’ve done that I’ve gotten caught up in a loop between shame, dissatisfaction, or whatever negative self-cognition I’m having, and meta-shame, meta-dissatisfaction, or meta-whatever-negative-self-cognition I’m having.

    I agree with the first responder that a sense of meaning and purpose is important, and I also think having good friends and social connections is essential. That way, you get to see others have problems, too, which helps on the perspective front, and there’s a chance you’ll get distracted from your problems by positivity or just having something else to think about and someone else’s voice to listen to.

    Self-reflection is good. Ethical improvement is awesome. But being in your head longer than you need to be is a slippery slope.

  16. Well, let my -humbly- point out what I perceive to be the problem. You see, being logical in the first place, makes reasonable and fair very different of what the majority would expect of those to practically mean… As for empathy, that again hardly goes together with the vast majority’s expectations about a good pair for logic.
    Logic is oftentimes the mind’s cold mathematics, while empathy is the heart’s suffering along, in spite of logic’s results. A good example is Job’s suffering: three of his friends were rather logical and reasonable, while the fourth one just showed empathy, in silence…
    Unfortunately, people displaying these qualities can so hardly be satisfied with themselves, when they are an honest type, because they are -mostly subconsciously- the permenent subjects of their analytical mind, rarely leaving themselves time to just sit in silence, quieting their minds running analytical programs on themselves, practicing just a bit of empathy …on themselves:-D .
    Having hearts as well, makes them suffer, without deserving it.
    I hope it makes, a bit of sense…:-D

  17. carlthefollower says:

    Somebody once told me that we are what we think. And when we are afraid of something and aim NOT to be like that person or this way, then we inevitably become what we are afraid of becoming because our minds are dwelling on the negative and don’t know anything else. However, when we see features that we like and aim to be not “not like”, but “like” this way or that, then we succeed. Because we are focusing all our effort on achieving that goal.

    I don’t think it’s good that we dwell too much on the things in our lives that we believe are negative. I believe its good that we are aware of them, but not overly conscious. Because if we can at least recognize the things that are not so great, and focus on the things that are, then we are going in the right direction.

  18. dougsan says:

    I 100% feel the same as you and I think what you’re describing is really really normal. I’ve found so many of the people I love and am close to experience this feeling even if they take a while to admit it.
    I don’t know if it helps at all but for what it’s worth my advice is
    1) be kind to yourself
    2) relax
    3) scrap the word failure from your vocabulary
    I wrote this – I don’t know if it’s of any use but who knows

  19. madilzia says:

    Terrible, how comon it is (not necessarly in this thread, but “in the world”) to think it is a “loss of time” and “dangerous” to think about oneself. (Actions, thoughts, try to understand…)

    At the entry of Delphi (one of te most important temples of the antiquity) there were writen: “Get to Know Yourself” (gnôthi seautón, γνῶθι σεαυτόν, my translation). So, at the entry of the temple where people came to ask everything (like what will happen in the future etc.) there were that words: Know yourself! So…

    Ok, now, sure there are methods for searching of one´s self and turning in the same circle of questions and emotions might not be the best one….

  20. ShannonRaelynn says:

    Great post about a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. I have to say that I agree very strongly with Carrel Shepard’s comments. I often used to see myself as someone who was carried by the whims of the world and on a coaster of rising and falling emotions. And once I began to explore spirituality I found some of the teachings to be very helpful. It is tricky to distinguish between ourselves, and that raging voice in our heads than can overwhelm us, that I have learned to call “Ego”. Once I understood that these raging thoughts, strong emotions, were not always of me… and infact were separate from me it has made it easier. My moods still fluctuate… I still get impacted from life’s events, but I have learned to look for the lesson, and to not waste time agonizing over everything. Do the best you can in each moment. Acknowledge that you have done so, or have not done so, and move on. Reading Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth) changed my life for the better.

  21. Clark Kent says:

    Thinking is an addiction you are born into the world with no thoughts yet as you get older from the moment you go to school or even experience any part of human nature you are told to think about this, think about that, you instantly are told to keep thinking as a way to keep yourself from yourself truly. You have you on the one hand who is not the thought process and the other which is you that witnesses these thoughts feeling isolated within you to be lost in translation. Both experience everything as one labels and files the information the other is staying in the moment missing every beautiful thing inside you and outside you. It is like never being able to break the cycle. Thinking happens to you rather than you happen to thinking. You never see the choice if your mind keeps going. Letting go of thought does the beautiful thing of bringing you into being and allowing you to smile and love deeply in the moment. The other sustains the concept that you are time bound and will have to either replay past experiences or dictate a future moment that will have to make a decision. Neither of these are possible yet the mind makes it that way. You are not the thoughts you keep you are more than what you think you are. You know this the mind doesn’t. The steel trap that is the mind keeps those doors closed to keep you isolated from yourself. As the witness of your thoughts you have a choice. Chose to no longer seek finding these things about you in the mind or continue down the same path that keeps you from yourself. One knows love beyond thought one does not. It is really a simple choice when you look at from beyond the mind. Remember the mind will use you where it should be that you use your mind. A perfect exercise to beat this is to stare at a clock and try to ask your mind how much time it can waste in endless thought about this problem or that problem that is not before you in this moment! Take the time mode past/future of the mind out of anything and you will find you, and soon you evolve without the mind and it’s need to dictate the thought processes inside of you! Love blossoms, so does forgiveness of whatever you think was the problem of the thoughts in the first place. 🙂

  22. cherylfoston says:

    We all have those days or times when we are a little hard on ourselves. What you need to remember each morning is that you are who you are. Not a bad person, just a person that may have woke up in a not so great mood. What is important to me is that you realize you have these differences (which we all have at certain times) and that is the best thing you can do for yourself, is acknowledge it and then you will do something about it. When you can’t acknowledge your weakness, that is when you should worry.

  23. I absolutely love your honesty and authenticity. To me it has been a long-standing issue to face the contradictory demands of our society:
    1) to be true to one’s true self
    2) to deny ourselves and smile as if everything is cool, even when we feel like yelling or crying.

    The effect of this contradictory demand is that those who don’t mean well tend to follow 1) while the good hearted follow 2) and the net result is an overly abusive society in which the evil does it’s work with a grin and the victims endure the abuse with a fake smile.

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